There lie so many rhetorical questions in individuals’ lives
One of them is the desire to know our origin. Most frequent, children dare ask their parents where they originated from. However, there is little that parents can answer regarding this question. Some parents tell their children that, they popped out from their armpits. Others convince the children that, they were collected from the garbage.
I was born in the 1990s, in China. My parents were ordinary businessmen. This period, China was relatively in a conservative era; an era when China just started opening up to attract foreign businessmen to set up factories and the investment projects. In the 1990s, sex education was very backward in china. Many people did not talk about sex in public, and they avoided wording about sex. There was no exposure to sex education in the classroom, making children ignorant about sex.
My parents did not sit down to explain sexual information face to face
Therefore, sexuality remained unsolved puzzle. They failed to make us understand that, sexual desires are normal. This is because they were born in 1960s, and they were more conservative than us concerning sexual education, due to their age. Traditionally, virginity was valued and was conserved as a reward for the future husband. Incase a girl was not careful, and had unprotected sex before marriage, they would automatically marry. It was not acceptable for girls to get children at the age of 15 and 16 before they were married. The marrying couple was introduced by others, and informed their parents who were the final decision makers.
I when I was four years old; I came across my auntie’s sanitary towels in the toilet. It resembled a paper which was stuck in her underwear. I was surprised and wondered why she had to put papers in the underwear. Little did I know that they were sanitary napkins used by females during their menstruation period? I took a piece of toilet paper, and put in my underwear. After my mother discovered what I had done, she explained to me why they put sanitary napkins under their underwear.
My parents did not give me much information about sex education when I was a child. However, as I was growing, they occasionally mentioned the topics, which gave me a hint concerning the issue. Gradually, I came to understand what sex is all about. When I started my primary school education, boys and girls liked to play with me. My parents were never against it though they warned me not to be too close with boys. Perhaps, they thought at my age I could not understand the hidden treasure.
By that time, television had become popular already
A lot of television shows and movies entailed play on ladies and gentlemen kissing and marrying. I discovered much about love. On the other hand, my neighbor was a boy older than me, and liked discussing with me sex topics. Due to curiosity, I enquired much from him.
This resulted because my parents were less willing to discuss with me about sex. Therefore, I took this as the only chance to learn about it. In fact, I leant much about sexual topics from the outside world. As a result, I could not discuss anything related to sex with them, since it was embarrassing. Some times, as we were watching television programs with my parent, it was embarrassing whenever love topics were introduced. This made me deliberately find something to do or bow to play games in order to avoid this embarrassing moment.
I asked my mother how they met with my father and stayed together
They were geographically separated as my father was born in Hunan, and my mother was born in Guizhou Province. When I asked my mother for the first time, she was reluctant to answer me. However, I asked her again when was in grade six. According to her explanation, they met through the marriage-seeking advertisement. My father posted an article in the newspaper looking for a girlfriend. Mother saw it, and started writing letters to him. Probably, they corresponded within three months, and decided to meet. This took them about two months to settle in marriage. I was surprised when I heard this, recognizing how short the courtship was. After about six months, my mother became pregnant.
I remember my mother said that, she did not recognize she was pregnant until she fainted in the restroom. My parents did not tell me whether they wanted a boy or a girl. According to me, they wanted a boy for the first time. This is because China's patriarchal ideology is still very serious. People think that after giving birth to a boy as the first born, he will take care of the home and the aging parent. Incase a girl was born; she will grow up and get married. My guess work was confirmed in 2004 when my little brother was born. Dad always regretted not having a son until then.
My parents divorced last year after living together for 20 years. They preferred living separately for the rest of their lives. Nonetheless, I believe my father was the cause of separation as he never loved mother any more. I did not express my disappointment to them though I was greatly hurt by the divorce. There before, I looked forward to have someone I could love and spend life together until death. However, after the divorce, I began to doubt what I looked forward for. In China's society, many men cheat on their wives as they have mistresses outside. I came to discover that, my father had a girlfriend who is already pregnant.
This has disappointed me, and sadness has overwhelmed me
I am hoping to have a loving husband and a family. Unlike my parents, I will openly discuss sex topics with my kids to enlighten them. I still remember when I was in puberty; the school only opened basic sex education programs to a few classes. The ordinary classes did not have sex education courses.
Exclusion of sex education in China is very serious. A survey conducted by China Capital Normal University, corroborated the status of sex education in the missing data showing that, only 5.39% of the students are able to name all the private parts. 73% of the primary school pupils do not know how to name the private parts, accounting to 16.37% of those surveyed. The researchers believe that, the fourth and fifth grade elementary school student, about 10 years old will to start puberty. However, they cannot understand their own private parts to this age. They experience sexual assault, and cannot correctly identify the offender. Thus, they cannot effectively conduct self-protection.
I did not receive formal sex education in my puberty
I relied on television, Internet, newspapers and chatting with friends to understand sexuality. The most impressive and significant event which I can remember shaping my sexuality was when I was a child. Every time I watched television shows with people kissing, pee feelings approached. However, once I obeyed the natural call, the urine did not come out. Later, I learnt that the feeling was sexuality. I think my adolescence, just like most of people’s puberty made me like certain boy in school.
My first love was when I was in eighth grade. The boy was transferred to the other class, and I cannot explain how he came to know me and started wooing me. At the beginning of the relationship, we were very shy. We used to blush whenever we were talking. We liked chatting and playing together always. He used to escort me home after school, holding my hands with love. He could sometime gain courage and kiss me.
Unfortunately, my parents discovered the relationship. They got upset with me, and they asked me to call it up immediately. They went ahead and requested the teacher to supervise us while in school. I was required to be at home at an exact time after class, and could not play with peers during weekends.
At that time, I was in a rebellious age
The more parents stopped me, the more I wanted to do it. I kept in touch with the boy secretly. At last, we ended the relationship when the boy left the school. In China, many parents do not allow their children to have a relationship before the age of eighteen. Some parents can still not allow, even after their children graduate from college. I am twenty years old now; I can start a normal relationship though I cannot inform the parents since they discovered my puppy love. Up to date, I cannot tell them about any boyfriend. This is because I fear their reaction towards sexuality.
At my age, my parents' sexual attitudes are getting more open. For example, when I was 17 years old, I was about to go to Singapore for studies. My mother said that I needed to pay attention to safety when in Singapore. She advised me to use condoms whenever I had intercourse with my boyfriend. My father is still shy to discuss sex topics with me. However, he sends me money to buy some books related to sex for further knowhow.
I am a precocious girl in thinking compared to my friends
I am more open up than them. I think a lot of sexual intercourse, including oral sex, and masturbation. We do not need to be secretive and shy to express views and ideas. I often take the initiative to discuss with my friends because I think we need to know better in order to protect ourselves. I am very happy that I am a girl. However, when menstruation periods approaches and the stomach pains, I regret being a girl. I understand that, God is fair. He let women have a period of trouble which is beneficial. For example, menstrual is the best process to detoxify women’s body. I enjoy whenever girls have experienced with different boys at different times. This gives them different life experiences making them feel the beauty of life.
I have just referred how my parents' marriage was a disappointment to me and left me injured. However, I still have a blueprint of a future marriage. I hope my future husband will be reliable and responsible. I am hoping to meet someone who is worth my worship. We will have similar interests, common feelings of mutual trust, mutual help to each other's progress and sharing of life's difficulties. Sexual interest will be among the preference, and then the other needs will follow. This is my future expectations.